How to separate the men from the boys

Inside, boys like to think they are men; inside, men know they are still little boys.

Boys want to grow up fast and get what men have; men want to be young again and get what boys have.

Boys want to build their bodies; men want to reduce theirs.

Boys cover walls with girls and cars; men cover walls with primer and top-coat.

Boys iron shirts to go out on the town; men iron shirts to go in on the train.

Boys don't respect women because they're too soft and girly; men like to keep their jobs.

Boys talk about sex instead of doing it; men talk about sex when they're doing it.

Boys hit their sexual peak at about 17; men hit their sexual peak at about 10.15pm.

Boys think that their parents are aliens with bad taste in furnishings who know nothing about parent-ing; men think that their parents did an incredibly good job, despite their bad taste in furnishings.

Men plan families; boys tell their families.

Boys wear clothes that fit their individual personality; men wear clothes that fit.

Boys have an aggressive, cocky walk; men take a cab.

Boys drive small cars incredibly fast along suburban streets to meet girls and impress them; men drive big cars incredibly fast on motorways to meet finance directors and impress them.

Boys love their cars; men love their no-claims bonus.

Boys spend weekends on motorbikes; men spend weekends behind lawnmowers.

Boys play football, men watch football.

Boys do their stuff all night and sleep all day; men do their stuff all day and sleep all night.

Boys can drink eight pints of lager and be unconscious by 11pm; men can drink a cup of tea and be unconscious by 10.30pm.

Boys know that smoking is hard; men know that giving up smoking is harder.

Boys have a laugh with their mates; men have dinner with Fiona and Richard.

Boys let off fire extinguishers; men fit smoke alarms.

Boys have backpacks; men have air miles.

Boys like leaving home, men like going home.

Boys can do 50 press-ups and bench press 100lb; men can work 50-hour weeks and bench-press a ?100,000 mortgage. Boys get angry and pick fights; men update their CVs.

Boys know it all without the benefit of any experience; men let boys learn the hard way.

Boys think that the world is their oyster; men know that there is no such thing as a free lunch.