Love me, love my bank balance

Forget showering your partner with chocolates, flowers, candle-lit meals or mini breaks, this Valentine's Day, because nothing demonstrates commitment more than the sharing of bank statements. Being able to talk about pensions with your loved-one may not sound like the stuff of Mills & Boon but according to the experts it can make or break a relationship.

Paula Hall, a counsellor at Relate, says money is one of the major causes of rows and that couples ignore the issue at their peril. She explains: "Arguments over money can be a symptom of a problem with a relationship but attitudes towards money can cause rows in themselves, if one of you is a spendthrift and one of you is very careful with cash you will row about saving for example."

According to research from the University of Exeter, younger couples are still opting to share their cash, but only some of it. Its three-year study, which is being carried out for the Lord Chancellor's Department, shows that newly married couples are starting to combine finances within months of tying the knot. Even fiercely independent couples begin to pool some of their cash for household bills after being married for a while.

Dr Carole Burgoyne, who is leading the study, says couples who share responsibility for family finances are less likely to argue than those who remain totally independent. And she adds that those who share their cash may also find it easier to adjust when one of them has to give up work to bring up children.

But when it comes to savings and investments, women in particular are opting for independence. With more marriages ending in divorce, financial advisers are seeing more and more married clients looking to build up their own funds, just in case. Julie Clapperton, an adviser at Edinburgh-based Financial Direction for Women, says she always recommends that couples have some kind of separate savings account. "It's always important for couples to have their own pot of cash. That way you have something to fall back on," she says.

Financial independence
Alliance & Leicester predicts that the number of households with what it calls "his, hers and ours" accounts will double by 2020. It says a quarter of homes will have three bank accounts by then, compared to 11% today.

"The joint account can be used to pay the mortgage, bills etc each month, with the remaining money staying in your own account allowing you to spend or save it as you wish," says Clapperton. "This can help reduce general arguments about money - your spouse can't complain if you buy a coat at £600 - it's your money your spending." She says choosing to have a joint account does not have to mean that you both have to pay in the same amount each month. "Rather than agreeing that you'll both put the same amount into a joint account every month, why don't you allocate it proportionately to your earnings," she says.

There are advantages to dealing with your investments as a single unit - for one, you can make the most of both partners' tax allowances. "Interest on bank and building society accounts is taxable, so if you are a higher-rate taxpayer and your spouse or partner pays tax at a lower rate, it makes sense to hold money in an account in your spouse's name," says Clapperton. You can also make the most of both of your Isa allowances to shelter some of your investments from tax.

All for one
However as Shaun George, family law specialist and partner of Scottish lawyers Simpson & Marwick, points out, there are potential pitfalls when become financially involved with someone and you should think carefully before you commit. "It's not romantic but it's being realistic. If you have a joint account, then you are both equally liable should that account go overdrawn, even if it was your partner who racked up the debt," he says. The same will go for a credit card so think twice before taking out one in both your names. It's much better that you take out separate credit, that way only one of you is accountable."

And deciding what to do with any joint funds will take some thought. "Before jointly investing money, you should both sit down and consider what priorities you have for the money," says Julie Clapperton. "Ensure that you both agree what length of time the money can be tied up for, whether you want growth or income from it and finally how much risk you want to take with it. This will help ensure there are no arguments further down the line."

Marriage contract
If you're about to get married and financially commit to each other for the first time, you may have wondered about a pre-nuptial agreement. These are legal in the US but are not quite so established here, so don't guarantee protection. However Shaun George says more and more couples in the UK are opting to take out a pre-marital agreement setting out what happens to their cash and home if they split.

"You get couples who are both independently wealthy and will both get their lawyers to draw up something," he says, but adds: "Saying that, the longer a couple have been together the less relevant a pre-nup type agreement can be. If a woman gives up work to have children she may be able to claim for loss of earnings and the pre-nup will become invalid." George says that in England couples who are living together but not married, or who have not entered into a civil partnership can make a similar agreement. But like pre-nup type agreements these are not always taken into account by the courts.

George says all couples should make a will, and make sure it is updated if they get married. "This is a legal valid document that could save a lot of heartache should one of you die. This is especially important if one of you has children from another relationship or if you have been married before."

Quiz: Are you financially compatible?